"(1)
Delete everything you have of the person (pictures, texts, emails)
until you have nothing to remind you; (2) Stand up for yourself and tell
the person what you think, even if they never respond; (3) Be thankful,
you would have never wanted this person in your life anyway."
That's
it. Her words were followed by some non-descriptive song, another,
then another. I stayed with the station, hoping to catch that
mysterious woman giving therapeutic advice on the air, surely there
would be a talk of some sort on the phenomena of ghosting? Nothing.
Apparently deleting or unfriending a person takes care of your ghosts.
Coincidentally,
Professor Robinson, a renowned mediator with the Pepperdine Straus
Institute of Dispute Resolution, gave a thought-provoking lecture on
"apologizing" today. Specifically, he introduced the following
hypothesis, using the scenario of a car accident as an example: What if
you rear-ended another car, got out, and apologized to the driver?
Now, the law student in us silently screamed: "No, no way! That is
admitting liability." However, over the next hour, Professor Dr.
Robinson led us into a dazzling world of apology, forgiveness and
reconciliation. Can we not ever just apologize, he asks. Do we really
have to enter that vicious cycle of denial, guilt, pretending, and going
forward without ever seeking closure or reconciliation? Can we not as
lawyers and as decent human beings step up, admit mistakes, admit
weaknesses and face consequences? Are consequences really bad?
He
provides another example of a child who threw a rock into a neighbor's
window and tells his papa: "No one saw it. No one will ever know." He
takes one long glance: "As parents, what do you tell your child? Do you
tell him, 'oh, okay we shall lie low then, no one will ever find out'.
Or do you teach your son about responsibility and facing consequences?
Why?" "Because I need to preserve my integrity as a parent," a student
answers. Integrity. A guide post in our journey to accept
responsibility and to grow up. Professor Robinson tells us that he got a
call from a former student recently. He had made a stupid mistake
years ago, and now believed his life was crumbling into one messy pile
before him. Professor Robinson reminded him that we all are vulnerable
in some form or another, and advised him to reach out to people and tell
them the truth. As it turned out, the consequences were nowhere near
the total apocalypse the former student had envisioned. Professor
Robinson's lesson to us today: "Be the person you want to live with.
Face consequences. Do apologize, do admit your flaws and weaknesses, do
express your feelings. Be human."
I
think about that moderator who suggested fixing the ghosts in our lives
by forgetting them. I wonder what experiences she went through that
made her abstract a person to a mere thought that can be expunged.
Grieving can be a long and arduous process, and we suffer through all
the phases of it. Yes, it is painful to have a ghost living in your
heart, and not really knowing why, but there are many reasons why people
ghost and without knowing more, no one
should ever advise anyone to delete a person from their lives.
"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." - Wayne Dyer
"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." - Wayne Dyer
Colleen Yorke. All rights reserved. 2020.